Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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