Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
