Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
