I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
