at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize