I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
