i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize