you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
