I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Randomize
