is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize