so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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