we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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