I murdered the dance floor call the cops
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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