Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
