I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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