I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
