Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
my poor anus
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
