Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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