Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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