Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
