I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
