I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
