I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I CAN MOONWALK!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
