the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
