Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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