Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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