Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
