in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Green mimosas i think yes
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
