Banned from zoo.
Again?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Of course I have a pirate flag
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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