She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
