Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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