That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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