No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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