Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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