The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
