I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
