She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
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