We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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