so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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