i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is it penis luge time yet?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
