It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
did you just send me my own nude
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
