Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
