I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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