Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
