My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Randomize
