you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
