If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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