overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
