My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Boobs speak an international language.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
