just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
