after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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