I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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