I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize