You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
