Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
