i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
