i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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