You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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