I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
