omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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