Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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