This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
