Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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