Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
