it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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