uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
