I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
