I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
