He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
