Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
