the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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