you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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