Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
