i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
