Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
